High-Five Deprive!

This story is for Mr. Matt Swaim, who often inspires me to write and laugh.

Today, MSN reported that Kilmer Middle School in Vienna, Virginia inacted a strict "no contact" policy. That means the acts of hugging, hand-holding, and even high-fives can get students sent to the principal's office. The Fairfax County school has adopted this policy because apparently they have seen pokes lead to fights, gang signs in the form of handshakes, or embarrassed girls stuck in hugs.

A little excessive I think... but then again Junior highers need a lot of boundaries thrust upon them.

How I Plan to Survive or People I Will Team Up With Soon

Okay, so this is just theoretical... since most of the people on this list do not even exist, one is dead, and some don't know me. But, I would like to share my reasoning with you... If the near future holds some sort of apocalypse then I would like to be prepared... so, without further ado I give you the list!

1. Angel & Spike

What is better than one super-powered vampire with a soul sworn to protect the good and fight evil? Two vampires of the same vein! Plus these guys have tons of experience fighting huge demons and even zombies from time to time. That could come in handy! Although they do have a lot of issues and the in-fighting would get a little crazy.

2. Johnston Green & Robert Hawkins

These two come with experience and leadership. Plus, they are well versed in survival and leading a small town through a post-apocalyptic winter... need I say more?

3. Mal & Jayne

Mal is a natural leader who has fought everything from soldiers to reavers. He is tough in a battle with a good sense of humour. Jayne, well Jayne is a big idiot who is great with large guns... in that way he is kind of like the G.I. Joe "Rock N' Roll." And speaking of joes...

4. Snake Eyes

Snake Eyes is a ninja for Pete's sake! He is tough, and doesn't say a word! He has taken down entire army units by himself... again, need I say more?

5. Doc Holliday or Tom Van Allen/Danny Parker

Sickly or crazy he is still Val Kilmer and tough as shit in these roles. I wouldn't try to outdraw even a dying Doc Holliday and as for Tom Van Allen/Danny Parker... let's just say if you go crazy because you see your wife murdered by dirty cops and start using meth. Well, I wouldn't want to mess with him either!

6. The Boondock Saints

Gripe all you want Swaim... they are awesome! And as the zombie-fighting priest in Dead Alive says, (they) "kick arse for the Lord!"

7. Johnny Cash & Kris Kristofferson

Come on... in real life they were/are both tough as nails. Plus they played (rather poorly, but I'm willing to overlook it) Frank & Jesse James in a movie!

8. Batman

Christian Bale as Batman was pure genius! He is by far... the best Batman EVER! Not to mention awesome in other movies. But I digress... Batman has a lot of fighting skills and doesn't really seem to sleep. Whether it is the ninja Bruce Wayne or the Dark Knight himself... I want him on my team!

9. Sean Connery

The only real James Bond (sorry Daniel Craig, you were great but there is only one Bond). Plus he was pretty tough in The Rock. And in that one dumb movie he said a line that ended in "Dawg."

10. Bruce Willis

He was/is in all those Die Hard movies and I think he proved himself there. But, he went even a step further as David Dunn in Unbreakable. That will always be one of my favorites... so either way he is in! Plus he was in Moonlighting.... what?

11. Joss Whedon

So in case you couldn't already tell... I love Joss Whedon stuff! He is a great writer/director who has created some of my favorite series. I figured if he can do all of that, he would be useful in an end-of-the-world type situation.

12. Tyler Durden

Come on he is crazy out of his mind and he started "fight clubs" all over the country. Plus he blew up credit card companies... he gets my vote!

13. V

Anyone who stands up to a post-apocalyptic London and gets the people thinking again is a friend of mine.

14. Eugene Hutz

Singer for Gogol Bordello... quite possibly the best band EVER! Plus he was in the film Everything is Illuminated and apparently the ladies get very carnal with him... because he is a premium dancer. If this guy believes half of his lyrics about revolution and being a gypsy punk than he is worthy of being on my team.

15. the "God's Hand Killer"

I know it sounds creepy, but hell I would want a guy who is killing demons on my side! Hopefully he wouldn't get into it with the vampires on my crew!

16. M. Knight Shyamalan

I do not care what critics say... they are mostly assholes! He is probably the greatest writer/directer of our time! He is incredibly gifted and intelligent, so I figured he could get me out of some scrapes! I was considering adding Paul Giamatti as well since he is in the picture. But, I couldn't get the scene of him drinking wine out of a spit bucket out of my head. Sorry Paul!

17. Wolverine

Wolverine is the ultimate soldier. To survive any kind of apocalypse you would need him, he is a given!

18. Mark

Don't under-estimate him because he looks nice and is holding a chinchilla. This guy is my right hand man in case zombies attack. He is big, quiet, tough, and a bonafide hero (currently an EMT, training to be a firefighter). Ladies, the line forms on the left!

19. Keith

Sure he looks like a nice, family man... but he is tough as shit! He was raised by wolves... not really, but pretty close. He is stealthy and handy with a car or in the kitchen. Plus, he tells the best stories and is in my top five friends to drink with. If you don't know him you should! Just don't ask him about his mom...

20. Will Ferrell

Okay honestly I just wanted an excuse to post this picture... awesome!

21. My four other favorite friends to drink with:

Dan C., Matt S., Dustin H., & Jon C.

Sorry guys I have no good pics of you... but I have always included you in my post-apocalyptic planning. You should all know that by now!

The Islands are no More!

I recently came across a story about how the Islands of Fiji are disappearing into the sea. The shore around the islands are much farther up than they used to be. The coral and mangroves of the island are disappearing. The Fijians are worried, and for a laid back society... that is saying something.

I know that this is happening to every island around the world. As the ice caps melt, there is naturally more water. But, having spent my honeymoon there Fiji has a special little place in my heart. Despite the fact that I fell down a water fall and busted my camera (& bruised myself up). The islands are pure beauty, and the have things like Kava there! Now, they are slowly melting away... scientists predict a drastic change on the islands in the next 20 years.

Despite all of the evidence my father (and right-wing religous nuts, i.e. Dobson) still refuse to believe in global warming. Maybe when the islands disappear they will change their minds! My advice to everyone now is to go see the islands as soon as possible! And maybe someone should alert the castaways of flight 815 and the others to get off that damn island!

Catch Up!

Sorry for my lack of blogging, or really communication of any kind! I don't have much to say right now and I am really busy... but I did want to say one thing. PARIS HILTON IS BACK IN JAIL! YEAH! At least until her rich family gets her out again... I am really trying to get over my disgust for rich celebrities, but I honestly got a lot of joy when I heard she was in jail.

Quick Recap of this week:

Paris went to jail! Two politicians (democrat & republican) are both facing jail time as well! This really has been a great week!